Thursday, September 15, 2011

Don't Panic

Something's very, very wrong.  Actually, everything's wrong.  But some things are more wrong than you can imagine.  Broken, warped, twisted and perverse: whatever you want to call it, it's wrong and nothing you can do will make it right.

But don't panic.

You see, it turns out you're wrong too.  As part and product of this world, you've evolved to be as twisted and perverse as your distressingly wrong surroundings.  You were molded and shaped by them; in essence, you were made for them.  Which means that at the very least, you've got a fighting chance.  Probably.

So in the words of Douglas Adams, don't panic.  You can panic when you're dying.

This is the sort of thing I tell myself when I'm in a foul mood.  To be perfectly honest, it's really the sort of thing I tell myself the day after I've been in a foul mood, because at the relevant time I'm usually much too busy thinking up creative ways to be surly and sarcastic to even begin trying to bring myself down to Earth. 

And then the next day comes along, and suddenly I just don't feel that way anymore.  I'm not even sure why I felt so angry in the first place: I can't really will myself back into that position.  All I can do is pat myself on the back and tell myself it's OK now.

Why do that?  As much as I've "reassured" myself, I've also gone and justified all of my negative emotions, without getting a better understanding of why I felt them in the first place.  I suppose it's easier to live with them if I treat them as mysterious and inevitable. 

Oh, I'm sorry.  You're still here.  Don't panic, I'm alright.

The truth is I don't know why I get these mood swings, or why a perfectly good day can lapse into an evening of irritation and irrational frustration.  But I woke up this morning and decided, I'd probably better say something about it, and do it out loud so that other people can hear me.  And since I felt anxious and self conscious about standing on the street corner with a megaphone (perhaps this is related?), I chose the more restrained course and said it on my computer.

But you know, today was a pretty good day.  I feel good about it, and I feel pretty good about how I spent it.  So don't panic.  Everything's going to be just fine.

No comments:

Post a Comment